Understanding Core Beliefs — How the Stories We Tell Ourselves Shape Our Lives

Core beliefs are the deeply held ideas we carry about ourselves, other people, and the world around us. Most of the time, we aren’t fully aware of them, they operate quietly in the background, shaping how we interpret experiences, make decisions, and respond emotionally.

These beliefs often develop early in life: through family dynamics, school experiences, cultural messages, trauma, or moments that shaped our sense of identity. Some core beliefs help us grow and feel confident, such as “I am capable” or “People can be trusted.” But others, especially those formed during painful or difficult times, can become limiting and self-critical.

Understanding your core beliefs is one of the most powerful steps toward meaningful, lasting personal change. By exploring the stories you tell yourself, you begin to understand why you think, feel, and react the way you do, and how you can gently reshape those patterns into something more supportive.

1. What Are Core Beliefs?

Core beliefs are the fundamental “truths” we assume about ourselves and the world. They form over time—often from repeated messages, childhood experiences, or moments that felt significant or defining.

Some common themes include:

• “I’m not good enough.”

• “People will always leave me.”

• “I have to be perfect to be accepted.”

• “I can’t trust anyone.”

• “I must handle everything on my own.”

• “My needs don’t matter.”

• “I’m too much.”

• “I’m not worthy of love.”

These beliefs feel like facts because they have been reinforced for years—sometimes decades. Even when life improves, the old belief can remain, influencing how you see yourself and others.

Where do core beliefs come from?

They may develop from:

• Childhood experiences

• Family patterns or expectations

• School or social pressures

• Trauma or significant events

• Relationships that shaped your self-worth

• Cultural, societal, or religious influences

Core beliefs become mental shortcuts—quick ways the brain makes sense of life. But shortcuts aren’t always accurate or fair, especially when they’re built on old pain.

2. How Core Beliefs Influence Everyday Life

Because core beliefs sit beneath the surface, they can influence life in subtle yet powerful ways. They shape the lens through which you interpret situations—often without you even realising it.

For example:

• If your belief is “I’m not worthy,”

  
  

  you may dismiss compliments, stay quiet in conversations, or tolerate behaviour that hurts you.

• If your belief is “People always leave,”

  
  

  you might fear intimacy, overthink relationships, or pull away before others have the chance to.

• If your belief is “The world isn’t safe,”

  
  

  anxiety may become your constant companion, and relaxation may feel impossible.

These thought-emotion-behaviour patterns reinforce themselves. The belief shapes how you act; the actions create experiences; those experiences then confirm the belief.

It can become a loop:

1. Something happens

2. The core belief interprets it negatively

3. You feel anxious, unworthy, or afraid

4. You behave in ways that protect you—but also reinforce the belief

This cycle can feel hard to break, but it can be changed with awareness and support.

3. Identifying Your Core Beliefs

Most people are not fully aware of their core beliefs because they feel like long-held truths. Identifying them takes curiosity, honesty, and patience.

Here are some questions that can help uncover them:

Ask yourself:

• What thoughts repeat when I’m stressed or upset?

• What fears show up in relationships or at work?

• What criticisms do I direct at myself most often?

• What do I believe about my worth, safety, or belonging?

• How do I explain things when they go wrong?

• What do I assume others think of me?

Look for themes:

• Fear of abandonment

• Fear of failure

• Feeling inadequate

• Lack of trust

• Feeling undeserving

• Feeling responsible for others

• Fear of being judged or rejected

Journaling, self-reflection, and counselling can help bring these beliefs to the surface gently and safely.

Signs you’ve uncovered a core belief:

• It feels emotionally “heavy” or familiar

• It shows up repeatedly in your life

• It influences your reactions strongly

• It feels old—perhaps from childhood

• Part of you knows it’s not completely true, yet it still impacts you

Identifying the belief is the first step toward changing it.

4. Challenging and Reframing Unhelpful Beliefs

The goal isn’t to erase core beliefs—they are part of being human. Instead, the aim is to understand, soften, and reshape the ones that no longer serve you.

Start by asking:

• Is this belief absolutely, universally true?

• Whose voice does this sound like? Mine—or someone else’s?

• Where did this belief begin? A moment? A pattern? A message?

• Does this belief reflect my life now or an old chapter?

• What would a kinder or more balanced belief look like?

Examples of reframing:

• “I’m not good enough.” → “I am learning, growing, and deserving of care.”

• “People will always leave.” → “Some people may leave, but others stay and support me.”

• “I have to be perfect.” → “I am allowed to be human and still be valued.”

• “I can’t trust anyone.” → “I can choose who to trust based on my needs and boundaries.”

• “I must do everything myself.” → “It’s safe to ask for help sometimes.”

Reframing is not about forcing positivity. It’s about building beliefs that are fair, realistic, and compassionate.

Small shifts create big change

At first, new beliefs may feel unfamiliar—almost unbelievable. Over time, with repetition and support, they begin to feel natural. You start responding differently, seeing relationships differently, and showing up in the world with more confidence and ease.

5. How Counselling Helps

Counselling provides a safe, non-judgmental space to explore the beliefs that shape your inner world—especially the ones that may be limiting your happiness, relationships, or confidence.

A counsellor can help you:

• Trace where your core beliefs originated

• Understand how they show up in your life now

• Work through emotions attached to old experiences

• Replace harsh inner narratives with compassionate ones

• Build new patterns of thinking, behaving, and relating

• Strengthen self-worth and personal boundaries

• Develop tools to manage anxiety, uncertainty, or self-doubt

Why this matters

Core beliefs often begin in childhood, when we had little control over our circumstances. As adults, we finally have the power to update those beliefs—to rewrite the story in a way that honours who we are today.

Counselling makes this process easier, more supported, and far more effective. You don’t have to untangle complex internal patterns alone.

Rewriting the Story That Shapes Your Life

Your core beliefs shape the way you see yourself, others, and the world. When they are harsh or outdated, life can feel like an uphill battle—no matter how much you achieve or how hard you try.

But with awareness, compassion, and support, these beliefs can be re-examined and transformed. You can build a more grounded, realistic, and empowering inner story—one that supports confidence, emotional safety, and connection.

You are allowed to:

• Grow beyond your old experiences

• Challenge stories that were never yours to carry

• Feel worthy, loved, and enough

• Create relationships that reflect your true value

• Step into the life you want with clarity and confidence

Change begins with understanding yourself more deeply.

Life Care Counselling Can Help

At Life Care Counselling, you are offered a compassionate, supportive, and personalised space to explore the beliefs shaping your life. Together, we can work through the patterns that no longer serve you, build emotional resilience, and help you create a more empowering inner narrative.

Whether you're struggling with self-esteem, anxiety, past experiences, or relationship patterns, you don’t have to do this alone.

Your story matters. Your growth matters. And you deserve to feel supported on your journey.

If you are struggling with your core beliefs book a complimentary 15 minute call with Life Care Counselling.

Book a Session